Addiction VS. God (2013)

Addiction is a very powerful and influential part of one’s life, and so is God. When most people compare the two, they can clearly see different aspects. But in all reality, they are also very similar.

Addiction has he power to take over lives, influence decisions,and allow people to act in certain ways that they would not normally act under instinctive circumstances. God on the other hand has almost the exact same effect.. But instead of taking over lives in a negative form, He enriches with His Holy Spirit, to completely shape and reform. Decisions that are made may be mostly positive, but only if one chooses to do so. As in addiction, our minds and bodies are warped to the point of death, leading that person down a path of destruction, killing not only the addict, but also any and all who step into that path. Relationships crumble, bridges burned, moral conduct shamed, leading the individual to feelings of guilt and self-worthlessness. With God, relationships can grow, new ones will blossom, bridges can be rebuilt and ones self-worth will grow from hate to one of worthiness and love in Gods eyes. Transformation takes place in the form of heavenly grace, changing who we are to something better.

Now, someone with an addiction will make excuses such as, “I’m not good enough”, “Things are too hard”, and one from my own past, “I can stop anytime I want, but right now things are going bad for me”. In reality, an addict with a serious addiction will justify any reason for using, also any reason for not stopping. These denials and excuses only encourage an addict to use, and will rot, if not destroy one from the inside out. Hope vanishes, dreams and life goals thrown into the wind, priorities are set aside and forgotten, and others become less important than the drug of choice. And when everything around a person goes to hell and that individual becomes so overwhelmed with loss, the first reaction is to use. Thinking things will become better by escaping reality only enhances their grief. The ugly truth is that their use is the root of their downfall. Then a vicious cycle of terror and torment unfolds right before their eyes. The fact is that addiction will kill and destroy.

God Almighty is the positive to the negative. A yin to the yang. And again, addiction and God are not so different. They are both powerful and consuming; destructive and dangerous: forces feared that both create. Only God will take everything negative and turn it into something beautiful. And He does so without need for excuses. If we so choose, God can create life in death by actively being a part of ones life to encourage, enhance. produce and give reasoning to certain behaviors. Also like addiction. Addiction as well is actively a part of ones life; encourages, enhances, produces and also allows for reasoning. There’s one thing God gives us that addiction cannot. And that is absolute love! Real love! For ourselves and others. Instead of false companionship from a drug, God is a companion and He gives us the tools so one can have meaningful friendship. God not only loves us, but helps us so that we can learn to love ourselves.

When our relationship with God becomes more advanced, the chance of death greatly reduces, only vanishing once a life is turned over to Him. Life comes to be satisfying, enjoyable, amazing, and viewed with a purpose. And the fact about God is that He will be merciful and giving, unlike addiction. He leads to life.

So if you’re an addict, which will you allow your life, to control or to BE controlled? To take away from your self or to be TAKEN away from yourself? Denial or truth? Life or death?

I am an addict who once struggled with alcohol and chose God instead. He has completely transformed my heart, spirit and mind, taking me from the darkness of my nightmare and placed me in the light of truth and love. I may be in prison because of the life i once lived, but I’m also in prison because God loves me enough to save me from myself. There is no more fear, hate, anger, resentment, lying, stealing or regret in my life. For the first time I am free to know what freedom actually is. The ability to choose not to sin. The ability to love God over anyone and everything else. The ability to be released from my chains of slavery to the world and especially myself.

As you know, God and addiction can be almost identical in the fact that our lives are devoted to one or the other and can be altered in such ways that affect our future. Either God or addiction can become our higher power that changes us completely. And that change makes us who we are as human beings. The effects from either is what will be praised above all else. And when that change is made, our lives are forever in the balance. Believe it or not, God will always triumph in the end.

Addiction Vs. God,

Which will you choose?

Written By: George Peck

Memories of the sweetest and most bitter degree

This is for you, and I apologize I don’t have the courage to tell u over the phone.

There are so many things i wish to tell you but don’t have the courage to say. Mainly because i still live with the fear of your rejection. The last thing i want to do is push you away and i know certain things that are on my mind should not be said. But they must. One thing that frightens me the most is that you will become uncomfortable, not want to hear it, and ultimately shy away and run. But that cannot be helped. Its whats in my heart and i must say it. So let me start somewhere else first;

You are so amazing. The very sound of your voice weakens my knees and makes my heart race. Your smile can melt even the toughest person while your sense of humor can ease simple and angry minds. The love and forgiveness your willing to give is without measure. Your kind, sweet, caring, gorgeous in everyway and so easy to get along with.  Everything about you makes me want to love you and hold on to you for the rest of my life, no questions asked. I could stare into your eyes and most likely get lost in your sense of warmth and comfort. No one has ever understood quite like you, and no one ever will. That’s what makes all this so hard for me.

I do not wish for you to be upset by this, but i can not hold it in. So please understand;

I love you so very much that my heart aches at the very thought of you. Ever since ive been out, my life has been an emotional rollercoaster. You have brought up old feelings and memories i forgot i had and once cherished with all i have. And just talking to you again has made me happy with the realization that I NEVER deserved you. I will always live with my gult for what ive done to you. It will never go away.    Sitting here, writing this brings tears to my eyes because ive never had a connection with anybody that is as strong as the one i have with you. Nor have feelings been more deep and genuine. The worst part of all this is that my love for you prevents me from letting you go. I should and i want to but i cant. I mean, im so happy we are talking, but its hard to handle and accept that i ruined what we had. I don’t want to hurt. I hate weeping like someone had just died. Unfortunately, im still grieving over the death of our relationship. And im coming to understand that it is just as devastating as an actual death. My problem is that you mean the world to me. I would do anything for you, even if that means stopping our talking to avoid problems in your personal life.

I look at your pictures on facebook and am heartbroken. I become upset and cant look anymore. Not only are you stunningly beautiful, but i have not been a part of your life, and now you are with someone else. When i went away, a single day never passed where i didn’t think of you. Some days i would weep, others smile and laugh. But some days it was both. Its hard seeing you in the arms of another man but i have no room to even go there. Mainly, my shame, guilt, and remorse forces me to want to fix whats between us. To make things right and to show you, im no longer that monster. That i have seen the errors of my ways.

You were my inspiration, to get better. To fix what was broken inside. To be sober and no longer live the destructive life that i was. You pulled me through my darkest days, and at the same time were the cause of the darkest days. And i only say that because my stubbornness refused to forgive myself. So the pain was always there to drag me down. Every change ive made i did with your help. You were my guiding light. And yes, it was of my own accord as well, its just that you had made it all possible because you have always been worth the effort. I am so deeply sorry I took so long and that it required me forcing you away.

My feelings for you will always stay the same if not get stronger, and that’s what im afraid of. They will and i know it could lead to complications. As i said, i have serious issues to deal with and accepting to face. Si i do apoplogize if when we are on the phone, my mood changes completely. That’s because you stir up what needs to stay hidden. The thoughts and feelings i have that can not be shared. Its only fair in a way. I can not and will not confess all that i feel to you, mainly because its not right. But it can not be helped. Im working on it though. I need you to please be patient with me.

I forgot what being happy was all about. And for that i thank you. But i shouldn’t be feeling the ways that i do. Maybe its because ive missed you terribly and want to be able to be with you again. My demons have come back to haunt me since ive been home. The demons i forcefully pushed deep down in order to survive mentally. Now that they are back, im doing my best to get rid of them for good. So every day has been a struggle. At one point during my incarceration, (especially at first), there were days where i felt i could not go on. I was so numb to my reality and pains. Some days i was immobilized completely over the thought of what ive done to you and how i lost everything good i had. The dreams never stopped and eventually turned ino nightmares. I was plagued when awake and then and night as well where i thought i could escape the constant torture. At one point i was afraid to even fall asleep, for fear of seeing you. It hurt far too much. Now that im out, i don’t know what to do. I feel helpless.

I promised not to hold anything back, and i will not any longer. And if you don’t want to speak to me again after you read this, then i will completely understand, but im sick and tired of holding back. it must be said once and for all.  To be 100% honest with you, the reason i wont search for anyone else is because i don’t want anyone else. Your are so wonderfully amazing. Everything about you makes me want to sing for joy. I miss your companionship. Your love. Your honesty and kindness. I miss your smile and gentle spirit. Your openness and forebearing.  I miss what we had and desperately want it back. All the good. All the love and experiences. I even miss you amazing back massages that would put me to sleep. But sadly, i strongly feel that you don’t want the same as i do. I know there isn’t a chance in the world that we could ever be together again. That alone is what breaks my heart and makes me distraught. I am doing what i can to push this thought aside and work with you on being friends again like in the good ol days. Im caught between not wanting you to know and letting the truth be known. Please forgive me, but this is how i feel. You are too important to lie to and i told myself a LONG time ago that i would never hide anything from you or lie to you ever again.

Do not take this the wrong way, but im still intimidated by you. Im still scared of you and. Im uncomfortable about how you’ve become. With the smoking and drinking. And i don’t know why. But my love for you will always be there. Nothing can make that go away. And its that love that dampens my ability to move forward and accept you are with someone else. Mainly because i am to blame. I am the source of what happened, and it is my burden to carry, and mine alone. These difficulties i face with you can not be helped, that’s only because i didn’t only destroy you, but my sense of security and belonging as well. So im rebuilding the best way i can and i thank you for being so wondergul to me since i have been out.

Its so great that we are talking again. I never thought it would happen, honestly. You have brought out the good in me and continue to do so. I thank you for helping me through this. You really have been a big help. Adjusting has not been easy, but you make it more bearable.

So, thank you again. Please, do not take any of this the wrong way. Im only saying what ive been holding inside. And it may not have been the best to mention. It had to be done regardless, no matter what. I wanted you to try and get an idea of where im at. Just let me know. You can always comment on this or post your own. And now that my heart and soul have been laid wide open for you to see, i am going to have trouble facing and talking to you, once you read this.

You can always text me.

Hello world!

Hello out there. Yes I am troubled and there is nothing wrong with it. Life has been difficult, but we choose that path most of the time. Even though we are in control of our life and emotions, life will always lead you down a road that you sometimes don’t want to take. Is this because we are attracted to pain because we don’t know better, or because love blinds us? I still don’t know the answer. But im always searching in hopes to one day discover who and what is important.

No one knows for sure why we purposefully hurt ourselves, but maybe we just don’t know better. Sometimes love is stronger than pain and we choose to never ignore love, no matter the consequences. The ones we care for will always have that special place in our heart, even if they deny it or just don’t know.

So that’s me on the emotional side. Will post more later.   Peace to all.